With all the stuff two people bring into a marriage, it\u2019s no wonder that money is a very frequent topic of dispute. They were raised by different sets of parents who did the whole money thing in their unique way. They had different personal financial experiences. They have different temperaments, and they bring into marriage different financial expectations, habits, and hopes for the future.<\/p>\n
Here are two steps every couple can take to work as a team in building a financial life that works really well.<\/p>\n
When you can\u2019t get your spouse to stop spending so much money (or start<\/em> spending money, or buy better quality stuff, or stop spending so much to buy quality stuff, or\u2026), usually the issue isn\u2019t really about the words coming out of your mouth while you\u2019re arguing about it.<\/p>\n Very often, isn\u2019t really about the spending or the saving or whatever else the issue seems to be about. There\u2019s an issue behind the issue.<\/p>\n It\u2019s that he or she comes from a family where they always<\/em> did it that way, or it\u2019s because of a desire for more security or more freedom or\u2026<\/p>\n I devoted three chapters of Money and Marriage<\/a> to helping couples understand all that stuff. Only by understanding what\u2019s behind the issue can you have any hope of really resolving the issue.<\/p>\n And one of the biggest factors behind any issue that comes up in marriage is each others’ temperaments. Chances are good that you and your spouse are wired up differently than each other. That\u2019s what drew you to each other, and it\u2019s what can drive you apart.<\/p>\n There are various temperament classification systems, but they all trace back to this simple four-temperament system: choleric<\/a>, sanguine<\/a>, melancholy<\/a>, and phlegmatic<\/a>.<\/p>\n Knowing your primary temperament and your secondary temperament, as well as those of your spouse, will help you put each other\u2019s unique strengths (each person has some) to work in your marriage while minimizing each other\u2019s weaknesses (each person has some of these as well).<\/p>\n Become a student \u2013 a lifelong<\/em> student \u2013 of how you are wired up and how your spouse is wired up. You\u2019ll be amazed at how helpful it is in your marriage, and not just financially.<\/p>\n There may be no less romantic topic on earth than the idea of using a household budget. However, research has shown that couples that use a budget tend to fight about money less often than those that don\u2019t. And the more detailed the budget, the fewer the fights.<\/p>\n A budget gives you objective information about your finances. If you\u2019re truly using a budget \u2013 you have a plan, you\u2019re tracking your use of money, and you\u2019re managing to the numbers in the plan \u2013 you don\u2019t have to debate whether too much was spent on clothing or concerts last month. You can just look at the budget and see how much was actually spent.<\/p>\n Use my Budget Quick Start Guide<\/a> and Recommended Cash Flow Guidelines (found at the same link) to put together a plan. And keep these tips in mind:<\/p>\n Give each other some freedom. <\/strong>Each spouse should have some money they can spend how they want to. Jude and I have separate clothing budgets. As long as we stick to the agreed upon amounts, we have some freedom in how we spend that money. Other couples have separate budgeted amounts for \u201cfun money.\u201d It\u2019s for lunches with friends or hobbies.<\/p>\n Divide the tasks. <\/strong>Both of you should be involved in choosing what goals to pursue and both are responsible for doing their part to keep spending within the boundaries set by the budget. However, one will typically take more naturally to the \u201cwork\u201d of budgeting \u2013 data entry and such. If one of you has a melancholy primary or secondary temperament, that\u2019s the person who\u2019s probably best suited for the job.<\/p>\n Review regularly. <\/strong>At the end of each month, go over the budget to see how your actual spending compared with your goals. Then decide what changes may be needed in the month ahead.<\/p>\n There\u2019s only one way you can do life exactly how you want to. Stay single. Choosing to get married is choosing to make room for another person \u2013 that wonderful, amazing, very different<\/em> person you call your spouse.<\/p>\n Learning to put each other\u2019s strengths to work and developing a plan for your use of money will help you stay on the same financial page.<\/p>\n What else have you found helpful in making the whole money thing work in your relationship?<\/p>\n Who else would benefit from this article?\u00a0 Why not forward a link to my site?<\/a> And if you haven\u2019t done so already, you can subscribe to this blog by clicking here<\/a>.\u00a0 Twice a week, you\u2019ll receive ideas and encouragement for using money well.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" With all the stuff two people bring into a marriage, it\u2019s no wonder that money is a very frequent topic of dispute. They were raised by different sets of parents who did the whole money thing in their unique way. They had different personal financial experiences. 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