Helping our kids learn how to think about and use money in God-glorifying ways involves much more than teaching them about earning, planning, giving, saving, investing, borrowing, and spending. It involves helping them learn how to navigate our consumer culture—how to live in it without becoming of it. Central to that is making sure they know who they are. They are stewards, managers, wise builders (Matthew 7:24-27)—not consumers.
As I’ve written before, the worldview of a consumer is completely at odds with that of a wise builder:
- Consumers put themselves first. Life is about their pleasure, their comfort, their happiness. Wise builders put God first.
- Consumers believe that money and things bring happiness. Wise builders know that relationships bring joy.
- And consumers believe life is about competition; it’s a quest for more. Wise builders know that life is about contribution; it’s an opportunity to use their gifts, talents, and passions to make a God-glorifying difference with their life.
These two worldviews lead to two very different approaches to money and material things.
The task has gotten tougher
Today, it has become more difficult than ever to live as wise builders and not consumers. It used to be that the primary influence pulling all of us, not just our kids, toward a consumer identity was “the media.” While that’s generally still true, social media is today’s 800-pound media gorilla.
Platforms such as TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook (if any young people are still using that one!), and others have greatly amplified the consumerist messages “You don’t have enough” and “You’re not enough.” And it’s leading to far worse outcomes than too much shopping and spending.
Earlier this year U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy issued a report, Social Media and Youth Mental Health, that shows how widely adopted social media has become, highlights some of its dangers, and makes some recommendations for parents.
But mom, all my friends have it
The report describes social media use among today’s youth as “nearly universal.” Some 95% of young people ages 13-17 say they use social media—more than a third “almost constantly.” Although most social media platforms say they require users to be at least 13, nearly 40% of children ages 8-12 use social media.
What’s the problem?
While the report acknowledged several benefits of social media, it also said, “there are ample indicators that social media can have a profound risk of harm to the mental health and well-being of children and adolescents.”
The report noted that from ages 10 to 19 is a crucial period of brain development. It’s a time when well-being experiences the greatest fluctuations and mental health challenges such as depression typically emerge. Early adolescence is when young people’s sense of self-worth is forming, which makes them especially sensitive to peer pressure and peer comparisons—the currency of social media.
The report described social media use as “predictive” of decreased life satisfaction for girls 11-13 years old and boys 14-15 years old. It found that “adolescents who spent more than 3 hours per day on social media faced double the risk of experiencing poor mental health outcomes including symptoms of depression and anxiety.”
It referenced a study of 14-year-olds that found greater social media use predicted poor body image, low self-esteem, and again, higher incidence of depression. Other studies have also linked the use of social media to self-harm.
What’s a parent to do?
The Surgeon General’s report included several recommendations for parents, including:
Create a family media plan in which expectations and boundaries are agreed upon. I would take this a step further and use an electronic device contract. On my website, you’ll see the one we have used with our three kids. In drafting it, I drew from various other contracts I found online and then tailored it to my wife’s and my convictions. Feel free to tailor it further to fit yours.
Create tech-free zones. In our household, the dining room and bathrooms are tech-free zones. Also, our kids are not allowed to keep electronic devices in their bedrooms. They can use them there as long as the screen is visible to others, but they cannot keep them there.
Teach kids about technology. If your kids are 12 or older, I recommend watching the documentary The Social Dilemma with them and then discussing their take-aways. It’s one thing for our kids to hear some warnings about social media from us. It’s something altogether different to hear warnings from people who once worked for some of the biggest social media platforms.
Model responsible social media behavior. This may be the most challenging recommendation for many parents! But our kids need to see us not bringing our phones to the dinner table, not spending undue time scrolling through social media, and shutting things down at a reasonable time.
The wellspring of life
All of these are good ideas, and nothing will be more powerful and effective in helping our kids navigate our consumer culture than having God’s Word written on their hearts. That happens through time in the Word—reading, meditating, and memorizing God’s Word.
What if our kids’ hearts were so full of the Truth that there’s no room for the lies of our consumer culture? Next week I’ll recommend some verses for our kids to memorize.
In the meantime, for a more complete set of ideas about raising good stewards, pick up a copy of my new book, Trusted: Preparing Your Kids for a Lifetime of God-Honoring Money Management.
Great article. Thanks